Why do we stay? Why do we endure those we have told ourselves not to go back to for certain reasons. He’s too short, not ambitious enough. We don’t communicate well, she’s erratic, and doesn’t get along with my family. Even when you are convinced you have found something about someone that will end the tie, and you will be able to finally break away. As those in a relationship, no matter if the relationship ends on good or bad terms, we all remind ourselves of the consequences of not associating with people we used to. Relationship, for 10 months or 10 years that person was a part of your life and you shared aspects of your life that you hoped they would understand. Your parents met them, your friends and you invited them into your life as an addition. Not sure if anyone I have met has ever gotten into a relationship in order to push someone else away. Maybe a ploy between the both of you to show your ex you’ve moved on so they stop eyeballing you in the bar, sure I get that. Those types of rouses are fine for about as long as it takes the guy or girl to back off. Whether they do or not is another blog entirely. Restraining orders are issued and just not a fun situation. Now aside from that dark situation. Those who can’t seem to break the cycle of letting this person into your life are in my opinion trapped or unaware. It’s not someone physically holding you down, but trapped is defined as: induce (someone), by means of trickery or deception, to do something they would not otherwise want to do. This also is just 1 of 2 situations I am trying to communicate. As well I am not trying to demonize anyone here. Emotions for one another are hard to control and everyone can react differently to the same chemicals telling us we want to be with that person. I look at it from the perspective of if one is intentionally trying to trick, or play mind games in order to coerce the other into being in that relationship. I have said before everything is about salesmanship. May just have fallen for a really good salesman. Sell yourself, you can sell anything, the first rule of sales I learned. The fault of going back to that person over and over again eventually becomes yours, but no matter who’s fault it is, it is still up to you to make the decision on if you would like to continue giving this person a part of your life. You may feel trapped in the web of familiarity, god sex and promises that were made prior before the relationship becoming confusing and turned to shit. Talked to couples that have been together for 10, 20 or even 30 years. They have all gone through some shit, and may even still be dealing with things. Relationships are a constant project, but when it comes time for it to end it is important for us to realize that it ending does not mean that it is over forever. Unless he or she was a terrible person, abusive. Look at it in a way where you’re still learning about you and what you want. Ever heard the story where the guy went back to his ex-wife? Ladies right now are shaking their heads.
The 2nd situation I want to refer to is that of 2 people in my opinion who are just unaware. Unaware is defined as: having no knowledge of a situation or fact. So you have 2 people that are unaware of the damage they may even be doing to each other. These I communicate more towards my younger audience, or your first real relationship. Without being aware of the damage we may be doing to someone else, we are also doing it to ourselves. Someone who can only remember the pain caused by you while you keep them “on the back burner” so I have heard others explain it to me. Of course some people will need to learn the hard way, just their nature and I ADMIT IT, I am one of them. I am 30, not married, and I have not yet “found the one”, or am too “into my career” right now”, or I am “ just having fun right now.” Not that these are lies. If you are not wanting to commit to someone then DON’T. With that being said, I revert back to my point, which is through the back and forth you really take the time to think and maybe notice the damage that you may be doing to a person that you can’t let go. Not letting them experience someone new for themselves just because it may be hurtful to you. It’s called heartbreak for a reason. Hurts for both parties, just not everyone reacts the same. For those of you trapped, or unaware, treat it as a situation that you need to get out of, or even a dangerous situation, because it is YOUR LIFE. Time being wasted on someone who can’t let go. If you have to move, or even simply just stop answering their calls for a little while till you are able to give yourself some clarity. Bangov Actual, out.