Love is a very daunting task to me. Daunting is defined as: causing fear or discouragement; intimidating. Most of us have felt the feeling. High school sweetheart, summer fling, or maybe even a friend you just couldn’t help but push away anymore. We have love, and lost, then lost the love. Like most things that are worthwhile, they take time. That is the only way we know that they are worth the effort. Anything that takes away time from something else is what our focus is on. I focus on many things that I probably shouldn’t. Love is not one of them as I spend all my waking hours writing to you, so it’s no wonder why I am still single. Or hell at least always at arms length with marriage and what it means to me. That all being said, one thing is clear to me, that when I graduated high school, the world had just ended, so to speak. Then when I got out of the military it ended again. You think after all I have written about positivity I would have looked at it in a different light, but that would not be honest to my readers. As I was young, my cynicism grew and grew…and grew. Thing about cynicism(cynical) which is defined as: distrusting or disparaging the motives of others. What I have realized is the relationship between love and fear. When you lose someone, a relationship, or they just are not around anymore. Fear is no longer a reasonable emotion. They are already gone. We fear losing them, we fear the day they may not be there, or the experiences we may not get to have with them. Fear is what keeps people together or apart. Fear is defined as: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Remember fear is just as real as you imagine it to be. So whatever your fears, focus on who and what you want in life and the rest of those fears will pass with time. I have had the pleasure of seeing beauty in the eyes of someone sleeping next to you. You want to tell me something that makes you afraid, pshss try waking and staring at someone when they are at their most vulnerable. As they sleep and hair in their face, a slight bit of drool creeping out of the corner of their mouth, and you put a blanket over them because you felt a slight chill and you’re no longer next to them keeping them warm. You ask “why didn’t he stay in bed with her?” I was making breakfast bitch! It was a Thursday and we got work to do, so don’t give me any shit. So my question to you is do we hold on in fear of them being gone? If you have ready anything previous to this you know I am a huge proponent of choice. That is because it eliminates false senses of security that we have woven into our society’s willingness to comply with the decisions of the masses. In my experience giving someone the choice to make their own decisions, may not always give you what you want, but both parties end up finding peace they can live with. Love should no longer be the goal, it is merely the byproduct of making the decision to be with someone above all because we truly do want them. Then years down the road when time has been invested in the relationship, you will know the fear of losing them will be for the right person. Not just because you are controlled by fear. Bangov Actual, out.
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