Most of you won’t get this till it is time. Like waves on a beach. Will come a time where all of this will seem like a memory, dejavu even. Just the same old slopes you’ve been going down and around. You’ll tend to see a different side of things and then everything else that bothered you before will seem irrelevant. You’ll be heading down that bunny slope looking for big air, but it’s a bunny slope so you’re going to look for the next challenge. Will never end. Pursuits are not supposed to end, just what you get out of them are supposed to be another piece of the puzzle missing from your life. Life, relationships, sex, business. The things you get in life pursuits will always be a greater than what you get from quick fixes like brownies, or sugary things, and there are 2 things in life I destroy, that is pizza…(get your mind out of the gutter) and a box of doughnuts. I have a wicked sweet tooth that every so often comes back with a vengeance. Holiday parties I have to have someone watch me so I don’t overload on sweets. I will eat myself sick. That being said I am like a fat kid with cake just trying to fill the void of something that I truly want. The pursuit is always there but sometimes I just lose track and before you know it I am in a line at Cinnabon with NO SUPERVISION, and I will order 4, no real reason. I even lie to the lady at the counter and say “yes I need these for a party.” Party is in my mouth BITCH! Then I go home and after all of them are consumed and I am being pg saying they are consumed. More like they are engorged by a sea serpent from the Nile. After the fact that it is over, and I have been found with belt open and napkin on the ground, I lay in my own wake as to be licked by my dog trying to get the last remaining filling off my forehead. I realize this is what it means to be where I am now and not be moving forward. The void is still there. The void is still in existence because I am still who I am. The choice to be better was shattered as soon as the decision was made to steer off the path. Could of probably been satisfied with a smoothie or something that would not put me in a coma for the next 4 hours while I binge watch romantic comedy’s and cry. Then again, tomorrow is another day. Know that it will be hard, because no matter if you go to the gym for 3 weeks, your cheat day depending on the severity will always be how you feel the next day, like you are starting over. So the key word is consistency. Choose what you would like to be consistent in. Cinnamon rolls, or steps to making yourself feel better and life more meaningful. We are all trying to make some sort of consistency work in our lives. Be consistent in your attempts, and see where it gets you. Bangov Actual, out.
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