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Define Your Wants In Life

When all is said and done thinking about WHAT YOU WANT is the most important thing. I mean what you really want. Not just what you saw in a movie and thought, huh, that would be cool. Something you may not even know that has been a dream of yours. You’ve been off and on between work and play and then the in between is something that has distracted you from even things you think you have wanted. It is the fuel that drives you to do things that see you differently. When you were a kid, you may have been called a show off. I was because I liked girls. Pushing myself was also an evolution of going for bigger and better challenges. First it is physical, then mental, then financial. When all those fade away you tend to do things because you think I am going to die one day and this is just what has been done from the beginning. You’re creating your inevitability before the world. The only thing you must do from then on is make it known to the world. Everyone is known for something. What do you want to be known for? This is how you focus and narrow your focus so that it becomes a part of your success. That is what people will know you for, you just need to believe that you can set yourself apart from it, even if you don’t believe, if you believe it long enough it will become a part of you. It will become your reality. So first, find who you are, second, ask, how do I become better? Back yourself into a corner so that you have no choice but to fight your way out. The further you continue to go towards what you want the more you don’t want to look back. Many roads will get you from a to b. Just don’t take too many roads that you end up going backwards. To want something, as desire is defined: strong, feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. With a feeling that has to be created we must want something for it to be felt. Love, as we have all felt, or at least the desire for someone. Makes me think, what kept her from me? what kept him from her? The desire was there for both, then the only thing that was missing as them forgetting to communicate how they felt about each other. When you want something or someone you can either think that they would be happier with or without you. You still have to make the call that you are going to communicate to them, regardless of how they feel that it is going to be communicated that you like them. Yes you may regret not saying anything, but then missed opportunity creates in your mind that you have to take any opportunity that comes your way. Becomes confusing because then your wants become little opportunities seized. You have no direction at that point, you’re just taking wild shots, which, in your younger years can be fun, and a great learning experience. As you get older, wanting to define yourself and what you are about becomes harder, or at least something that feels more rushed. In life, always make a quality product, especially when establishing yourself. You deserve it for the amount of work you’re about to put into it. Bangov, Actual, out!

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Give Up Control

What binds us to the life we are living now? Are we happy? Is that even a prerequisite anymore. To go through life does not have any means of a pursuit. You don’t have to have a college degree, certificate of achievement. Hell you don’t even need a participation trophy to get through it. Big misconception is that you need others’ approval for your life choices. I hope those of you over 30 would know this but in this day and age you just never know what people need to hear anymore. Don’t need your parents approval, your friends, you’re kidding if you think they know more than you. Release yourself from others expectations and create your own. I have some time on this earth and it has always made me wonder if right now, at this very moment am I in the right mind set. Do I have the right mentality to move forward? Unfortunately I have only a few moments where everything has been in sync. I guess I had it once, and now it is a distant memory. I will spend the rest of my life trying to get it back and make it as consistent as possible. The consistency we feel keeps us in motion towards our happiness. Ok maybe not happiness always. Even happiness can be faked. Progress cannot though. Happiness is what is shared between people. We’re social creatures. If you disagree, then I would like to know what your happiness is. Continue to build who you are, piece by piece, laugh by laugh, cry by cry. Those around you are not who you need to please. They are those who are looking for their own journey. Nobody really has time to control others. Usually those who try have no control over their own lives. So what does it really mean to be in control? Since by definition, control is to influence, or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. Of course it has a few others, just look ’em up, I’m not going to do everything, BUT let’s just focus on this one. Although I am the one writing these blogs in order to inspire people to take risks, and make something of their lives. Maybe I’m controlling. Eh fuck it, get out there and make something of yourselves. That’s me when I’m controlling. I push others to be something they are afraid of. So don’t fuck with me, or I’ll push you to do all the things your afraid of. You know, like aspire to be someone you dream of being, follow your passions, or even tell the world to go fu k themselves while you work on yourself and focus on your happiness. Don’t focus on control. Experiment, enjoy the embarrassment. Bangov Actual, out!

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What Men Really Want In Bed

Gentlemen, what gets you all riled up in bed? Seriously. Do we even know, why don’t we know these things. You know your favorite music but not what your lady can do to really turn you on. This is interesting to me because I have been an advocate for men and women to be comfortable exploring sexual acts in order to spice up the bedroom, or even being single you engage in actions that may just be of curiosity to you or someone else. Let me be clear in saying I am not against exploratory sex with someone you are not currently involved with romantically. Casual sex, sex between 3, DO.NOT.CARE. Do what makes your pickle tickle or flower power! I am a strong advocate for being professional, and would like to just mention those who do pay a lot of money for these fantasies to become a reality. We can all stop hiding from those who may not agree with you. If for religious reasons, societal norms, then it is simple that we just do not share these sides of ourselves with them. Some people may think if they won’t accept all sides of me then they don’t deserve me. I won’t be the one to say you are wrong, then again that is your choice who you let in your worlds and those should be people that encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Another side would say due to a societal norm these people who don’t agree may just be under the impression that you may get hurt and they are trying to protect you from that. So don’t always take oppositions as a negative or as a potentially controlling desire. They may just not want you to get hurt. Or hell maybe they are too afraid to say they feel the same way. So be open to talking about it if you’re open to sharing the thought with someone. Break down the psychology of it together with the why. You may just come to the same conclusion. This blog is not just what men may be thinking of about during sex, it may be women need to ask the question for men to feel comfortable answering. Ladies, just know that unless you have never asked, the man in your life has probably never been asked. Men usually talk about sex in bullet points. Went to dinner, drinks,back to my place, fucked. Then a high five with the guys. Ladies are way more expressive in how the night went. All starts with the ring of the door bell and they are telling friends, he came to the door to pick me up, brownie points, he opened the door, brownie points, got in the car, it was clean, smelled good, FUCKING BROWNIE POINTS. I won’t go through the entire date because you get the point. From the point of the act of having sex women are breaking down the five senses The better it was the more detail they will go into it. The worse it was they will be more like a guy and say ya, we fucked in his car, I did not cum. Then he drove me home. Very romantic, I know guys. Gentlemen just know this goes both ways. You have to be willing to initiate conversation as well, if you make an agreement, or have paid someone to have these specific fantasies come true then OK that transaction will be handled as business as usual, But, if you’re intimate with someone for a number of years, these questions just as what they aspire to be, hopes, dreams, aspirations. Why does it never include sexual fantasies?

What men want in bed is simple. The same thing women want. The chance to discuss options of sexual exploration without judgement. The conversation alone is liberating for the both of you, don’t care if you paid or not. Stop being afraid of asking these questions, literally the internet is filled with answers for you and another to explore til your heart’s content.

 

What? You guys think I would leave you without giving you a list? Come on, this is Bangov!

 

1-Play with his balls, (suck on them)

2-Finger in the ass, (it’s not for everyone)

3-Little spoon, (some are afraid it’s demeaning)

4-Be vocal on what feels good ladies/guys

5-Sex in a public place, you initiate it ladies

6-Ask to be on top of him

7-Make eye contact while he licks his lips and smiles.

8-Jump into another position without being asked.

9-When we are sucking on you ladies, say yes, no, left, down, right, up, what do you want?

10-Lights on

11-Don’t talk bad about your body

12-Find some clothes you may be OK ripping

13-Go shopping for lingerie together, big part of sex for men is visual, we like a lot of things leading up to the bedroom, like women do with foreplay to get you wet, we don’t get wet ladies we get hard.

14-Sucking on him may take a while, but in the end the commitment and the feeling after, he may return the favor immediately after. Like seriously you would think a refractory period was a myth when you suck him off.

15- Cum in your mouth, chest, stomach, the usual. (I’m not going to pretend to know the level of kink who reads this)

16- According to business insider 26.8 of males fantasized giving oral sex to a man

20.6 males fantasized about having sex with another man ( Who knew?)

source: https://www.businessinsider.com/normal-male-sexual-fantasies-2014-11?amp

17- Make a sex video (this I will say I would do again, will not post, don’t ask.)

18- 3 some, which I have researched, and what I have researched is men, if you’re willing to do it with a guy, she may be willing to do it with a woman.

19-Watching someone fuck your wife, Relax! Talk about it.

20, 4 some, can’t forget about my swingers, that is literally what an open marriage is for.

21- Sit and be naked together, explore each others bodies even before sex

22- Dance naked together

23-Slap his ass, and ladies, (yell yahoo!, yeehaa!, whoo!)

24-Laugh during, still talk and tell jokes.

25- Shower together before/after.

26- Watch porn together, watch something you’re both into, or take turns.

27- Experiment with different positions, see what you both like. Make a top 10.

28- Compliment each other on things you like, or find sexy, boobs, but, legs, arms, smile, hands,

29- Make a list of where you would like to have sex, schedule an airbnb, hotel stay.

30- Ladies what are you going to wear, outfits, star wars, cheer outfit, aeon flux, I mean hell if a woman walked up to me in a lady gaga outfit I’d probably say yes. I mean even Jabba the hutt I may give a try. Just as long as it is a costume. Hahahaha

 

31- Ladies, maybe we want to buy you something? Vibrators, dildos, clamps, whips, feathers, floggers, just to name a few.

32-Massage, my goodness gracious if you don’t know how, then YouTube, or Pornhub that shit and get your life together.

33- Tie you up?, ladies he may want full control to fuck you where he pleases and in all sorts of positions. Strongly advise doing this between those you trust or in a controlled and safe environment. Or at least a class to go over safety measures.

34- Bondassage? Look it up, light BDSM and sensual massage.

35- Make a playlist of sex music together. Different moods, create a few playlists and use one for maybe more romantic nights, quickies, maybe just home for lunch, more fun and have some time.

36- Cunnilingus,blow job, while sucking on different candies, fruits, after different drinks, light candles for different smells.

37-Sex toys, Just look up different things to kink up your bedroom.  Adameve.com, lovehoney.com  this one just makes me laugh, buy as many toys as you like and if you feel like you don’t use them as much, leaving a box at goodwill to me was one of the best reactions I have ever seen. Holy fuck I was dying laughing, or save some friends money and see if they want to give them a try. Just use some Clorox wipes ya bunch of nancy’s.

 

This list I hope this list helps some of you explore more of your sexual worlds within yourself and with your partner. I have heard way too many times men and woman experience sexual frustration and a feeling of being trapped in a reality where they cannot express themselves even privately with someone they are dating, married or just seeing for casual sex. After all sex is not just the act. It is a conversation I feel is only coming to the surface now after years of being taboo, and Bangov is here to set you free. Bangov Actual, out.

info@ban-gov.com

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Why Is It Hard To Plan Dates?

What do I do with my spouse, uh make a list? Why is it so hard to do something with the people that we supposedly love? Want to spend the rest of your life with this person, or are we just dating “place holders?” Till you find the one that you’ve really been wanting to be with. The one you dream of. Love is a beautiful thing, but can distract you at times from the bigger picture. This is why people say love is not enough, because life doesn’t just end there when you find someone at 19. You have another part of you that is invested in a whole other ideology and self image of what could be. Just imagine if you had a little more confidence in yourself, really ask yourself would you be with the person that you are with right now? It is a delicate fabrication of what you’re willing to do and how far you are willing to push yourself. Sucks if they are nice people. You can’t help it, the fire inside you just needs to come out sometime. It either gets released or it dies. Then what is to become of you? Are you ready for it to be put to rest or are you young and feel too much pressure stuck in a life that you did not want but inevitably had to fall into to please those around you. It is hard to please everyone, so don’t. You can only go forward based on the vision you have in your head and taking steps to fill in blanks. Take a walk and ask is this present that you’re in what feels fulfilling. If so, then I have nothing more to say. If you want more, then you are going to have to disappoint everyone that has a different vision for your life. This is not just a couples thing either. Being single and picturing more than just the bullet points in life keeps you from getting stuck. Ask your significant other what they want to do Friday night. If he or she does not know, welp you now have free range to do whatever the fuck you want. Go bowling, go dancing, go make pottery. The fact of doing things that you don’t even like opens your world up to communication. Doing things you don’t like inevitably just enforces you will pay more attention to that special someone in your life. Talking with them or creating memories in my opinion are the time stamps of your relationship. If one or both parties is not interested in how to spend time with each other……..well you decide the ending of that story. The title is, “Why Is It Hard To Plan Dates.” Well that is because you are still dating the person even if you are married to them. Never really shifts into “look!, we made it.” You are going to have to date for as long as you are together, so make sure that someone is someone you will have the kind of fun you want with. If you want to snack, Netflix and chill, do that. Or if you choose to go out for a drink and let loose once a month, then great. Either way having 2 lists I think is great, big vacations and small dates to do once a week. Having a hard time making a list, holy fuck google you monkey. Tons of articles on what to do with your squeeze when you both want to be in or  out. Bangov Actual, out!

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It Comes From Within

Caught between a rock and a hard place. When schedules tend to build up and day becomes more and more busy, it’s almost like breathing through a straw. Swimming laps, and you are in between 2 brick walls. Any break in your form and you chip a nail, sprain your wrist or WORSE, can’t complete your flip turn…but I digress, those who are trying to make things work by filling your schedule are not doing it through keeping busy. Focusing your efforts is something I myself have struggled to do for a long time. Problem is I still continue to do it. I just want to do so many things in life, for many years I have tried to tackle different pursuits in order to make meaning out of life without really having one that I intend to focus on and really define it’s true worth or purpose for me to continue. I think I just answered your question of “what should I do then?” I’ll bet you already have had as few to maybe a million times in your head where you considered a pursuit in something, but just did not think it was worth your time or maybe was thinking “what if I fail?” Well newsflash you have already wasted enough time not following that in which you have been day dreaming about for years. At the end of your life will you be thinking of things you have wanted to pursue? Problem that people tend to have with the pursuit of happiness is the “pursuit” aspect. Pursuit as per the definition is the “action”, key word here, of following or pursuing someone or something. Pursuits are all we have to feel alive leading us down unknown or unexpected twists and turns. Choose one and go. When you choose to stop, that is your choice. Just do yourself a favor and do not stop because of fear or lack of motivation. Motivation which I have discussed before and yet has come up many more times because people think they have to be motivated in order to start moving. Motivation from this point on will no longer be something that I am in search of. From this day forward motivation will be created within. In the endless pursuit that is life, I will wake up, walk, talk, drink, eat sleep and even PISS motivation because it is something created within. This as well ties into your self reliance. The “need” for motivation should be developed from within. It is what is kicking and screaming at the door trying to get out. To rely on others for things you can produce yourself is like asking if you can have a cookie. “Are you still a child or are you an adult?” Think of rolling down a hill…just go with me ;on this, you’re at the top of the hill. When you’re at the top you get into a shopping cart and you have nobody else with you. You need to edge the cart near the slide and just jump in at the moment just before it leaves to gain speed. Just reading this far you probably have already said, “what about brakes?” What about this, what about that? You all already putting safety nets and things for you to ensure nothing bad happens. Just jump in and enjoy the ride, let go of the fear and know false senses of security are a killer of the human experience of adventure and what it means to know what you’re made of. Bangov Actual, out!

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Let’s Define Terms “Wisdom”

Wisdom: the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement; the quality of being wise.

Let us take into account that those of us that have ever asked another for advice, knowledge on something or “wisdom” of some sort, some may have taken it to heart. Some have taken it with a grain of salt. To have information is instant nowadays, so what we must be cautious of is how this information is interpreted by each individual. Us a population have it in us to tell someone something we know just because we know the particular fact or stat that was told to us. So what does this mean when trusting someone, knowing them long term or not. This is something that I have said before, when i mention it is in your best interest when getting the most out of life, to Dig, Dig, Dig. Dig for not only the facts or stats, but dig for the interpretation of who is telling you this information. Can be your husband, wife, mother, father, daughter, brother. Interesting enough wisdom is not defined by being right or wrong, it is the “quality” as stated in the definition, of being able to  share with others your experiences and knowledge on a particular subject. How do we with so much access to knowledge, so much access to other peoples opinions, “wisdom”, how do we funnel and focus on what we need to, to make sure we are being to true to who we are? I have stated this before, and anyone that has ever read a self help book has the same “wisdom” thrown at them that the people you surround yourself with are the average of what you will get out of life. Those who are stuck, those who are in what feels like a trap of your upbringing. Go for a walk, go for a drive, swim, get out of the bubble you are in for even a moment and know that when you feel that sense of relief, pressure off your chest, breath of fresh air, go back inside and trap yourself again. Go back and realize you have so much more control over your own environment and the “wisdom” that you surround yourself with. Do that a few times a week and your addiction to that freedom will start to feed your creativity for expanding what is possible. Your mind will begin to create different pathways that were once foreign to you. That is how you create your own world by getting out of the one you feel so stuck in right now. Your 9-5 you may not like, your relationship you can’t end because maybe the lease is not up for 6 more months, (which is a piss poor excuse if you ask me.) Try and maintain a level of integrity for yourself in order to break away from a world that you constantly escape through day dreaming of being somewhere else. Your only excuse is that you will not take the necessary steps in order to move forward with your life. Blame yourself and move forward..Bangov Actual, out!

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This May Be Hard To Hear

No one is going to save you. Self reliance is a key factor in the game of life and being in charge of those pursuits in which make you a happy person. Being able to push through pain. We have all heard these things. Many motivational speakers tell those they have will, or determination that they do not know. The difference that must be made is internally. Relying on others to tell you what you are worth is a great indicator that you do not have enough respect for yourself. So why should others hear what you have to say. I am not going to tell you that you have what it takes to do great things. I do not know you! If you think you do then guess what, you’re headed in the right direction. Has to come from you, that you are willing to go the extra mile and not be afraid of that which you dream of. Like a volume knob get everyone and everything around you turned way down so that you cannot hear them. Listen to what is going on inside you and only you. You may have someone on the inside screaming and you cannot hear them because you are too busy listening to the losers around you or those who pretend to know more than you. Take some time for yourself, I promise the more focused you become, the more you will enjoy being alone and listening to the voice of your own eagerness to strive for better. Better car, better house, better things for you and those around you. I won’t tell you your worth it, because if you have any fight in you then you’re already telling yourself. I am just here to tell you to start listening to what is inside. You may not recognize yourself at first, it’s been a while through the many years you have been listening to everyone else on how to do things. The great save for retirement and be scared of harsh spending. Stop telling yourself you cannot afford something, or you don’t have time for things because you know yourself deep down how much bullshit is really between your fiction and the reality of your situation and how it can be improved. Run, scream, kick, and fight your way out of your reality to create a new one for yourself. Life as you know it now is all a matter of your perspective and having the ability to change all comes down to a single choice to commit action into your daily routine. Once or twice a day, not sure how many steps you’re willing to take a day, I won’t decide that for you, but tell me about it if you would like and maybe I would like to incorporate these actions in my life. Bangov Actual, out

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