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Expect Nothing, Communicate Everything

Expectations are only that which are communicated to each other. Job, transaction, parenting, friendships, EVEN SEX, is a negotiated relationship between individuals. I know I have been consistent with relationships between others, but these relationships are very important. Think of creating anything with no help. A business, product, or service, anything you do in order to market yourself, your social skills must improve, saying hello, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, shaking hands looking them in the eye, genuine acts of benevolence. Benevolence is defined as:the quality of being well meaning; kindness. The more genuine you are, which is why I try to be as definitive in who I present to others, being myself. The more I have realized others willingness to engage and be inclusive in conceptualizing. Conceptualizing is defined as: form a concept or idea of something. Be mindful that people are always about “good vibes,” or about being involved with those who encourage growth in how they want to identify.

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Please Tell Me You Caught On

I mean is it that hard? What does a woman want in a man? Well ya, actually it is. You gentlemen ask the question, what is that you want in a man. Now gentlemen, think of asking that question plus a few others. What does she want in a lover, in a fighter, in insert word here. The ideal question to ask a woman is multiple. Never leave it up to a one word answer. This in my opinion is why men make all the stupid mistakes in a relationship. Lack of knowledge of the individual, being that one you wish to console. Don’t overthink, it does not matter if you’re the man or woman. You’re instincts may even tell you not to pry but THAT’S THE POINT!!! I don’t mean to pressure anyone, but over a given amount of time I think people stop asking those they wish to have a relationship with general questions. By the way, general questions continue on for the rest of the time you’re together. They are pretty much just questions, but as you both get older, and the deeper you go, you may help in finding things out about yourself you didn’t know you liked or disliked. To ask a person about themselves that you have known for 5 min obviously is going to be different than that of a person you’ve known for 5 years. If someone asked me how I felt about 2 people who are in love or wanting to create it, why the inevitability of their relationship ending came down to a simple argument over curtain shades, I’d be like, “please don’t talk to me”….naa I’d probably engage in the conversation, but that is just my personality. Then again even meaningless conversation is a sign of a good relationship, in that you’re wanting to spend time with them. All meaningless conversation is a door to a deeper conversation, you just have to start somewhere. New questions to ask, new insight In to your partner’s mind can all stem from, “do you like pizza?” Or 5 years from then, “do you like these curtains, or this?” Some of you have caught on. Almost like carving out a different perspective of the person with how you have molded each question. Also rest assured the person you’re so crazy about and hopefully is still crazy about you, does not care how the question was asked, just simply that you asked means something. Nobody has all the right words at the right time, so while you may just be thinking about how you should ask a question, or even say something, just blurt it out and both of you can starts to decode the message that was intended because you’re going to be doing that the entire conversation anyway. Dig, Dig, Dig. When it comes to what men and women want in each other it is still solely that they want each other. Two established individuals that solely want one another is a very powerful thing. Nothing that I have seen has been able to come in between that, throw any stereotype you’d like at them, but those 2 that have found that comfort and that familiarity are very likely to stay with each other. For how long, who fucking knows? Ladies if you told a man that you wanted someone honorable, fair and ethical, men cannot compute that. It is too broad of terms. Honorable traits can be determined by how ethical a man is. Also life is not fair, so don’t expect a man or woman who knows what he is worth to settle for less than what he or she thinks they can have. Best advice I have ever heard is work on yourself and compete to be better. Compete everyday for the man or woman you want, and you may just surpass what you would have settled for a year ago. Bangov Actual, out

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If You Don’t Laugh, You’re Dead Inside

As I have observed, we as people, maybe not you, but if the shoe fits. I have observed that we all look to find those of a certain “emotional intelligence.” Emotional intelligence is defined as: is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Key concept here, in my opinion, is that the management of emotions in a positive way. This I think is overlooked when observing our partners in different situations. Whether it be, an argument between another, or even how they react to a situation towards you. Actions are key indicators that we all tend to give off, like it or not, you can catch whether someone is the right fit for you in an instant. Daniel Goleman, (American Psychologist) popularized Emotional Intelligence with these 5 key elements-Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Motivation, Empathy, Social skills. Can only wonder how many relationships have ended off one night of drinking and you find your sugarplum doing a keg stand when you have been 5 years sober or never got into the drinking game. What is your emotional intelligence on that Danny!!! Sounds like Danny, so I ran with it. Or my favorite, you find out that he or she is cheating on you and you NEVER SAW IT COMING. Sure he has to work late 3 days a week. Sure she has been going out more than usual and that new boob job she is keeping from you is still healing after 6 months. In any sense, remember no matter what the situation, the dependency on your emotional intelligence is how you react to situations. Remember in a positive way, don’t buy that double barrel, or single action revolver just yet. Remember you ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. Writing to all of you I can only hope you choose to look at pain, lies and suffering in a way that really is better for you and your future. Emotional intelligence to me is an understanding between two individuals, based on the conversation and understandings they have presented to one another. Don’t care how long you both have been together, you’re individuals as much as your souls became one when you got married, or even if you’re still dating just remember it is called a soul mate, not a soul mending person. Hahaha ,and with a divorce rate 50% you better believe it is entirely possible that you have some more life to live before you find your someone special. Just look up any article and you will find out that the average age for marriage has been increased to 30s, and probably for a good reason considering half my High School Senior class was snatched up and divorced before 26. So who knew you might want to do stupid shit or fuck around just a little longer before you got married, had kids, bought a house and realized you were stuck. Not saying having a family is not a beautiful thing. When you didn’t want it that soon and think of what could have been for the next 10 years into your 30’s. Beautiful may not be the word you use right then. If currently in this predicament, well what’s great about today’s topic, makes things into positives. I will say having kids move out or go to college, and you’re not even 50 yet, sounds DOPE! Hell you can still get divorced, agree WE MADE IT, and just part ways amicably and go fuck around with 30 year olds. What? This is Bangov, not some Christian Blog Bullshit. I am getting side tracked though. Emotional intelligence, like regular intelligence, has to be developed over time and taught. The one you’re with is teaching you how to be with them and vice versa. Once you tend to enjoy each other’s company, everything will fall into place and you can start to check off those 5 elements I mentioned. That’s my 2 cents. Bangov Actual, out!

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Define Your Wants In Life

When all is said and done thinking about WHAT YOU WANT is the most important thing. I mean what you really want. Not just what you saw in a movie and thought, huh, that would be cool. Something you may not even know that has been a dream of yours. You’ve been off and on between work and play and then the in between is something that has distracted you from even things you think you have wanted. It is the fuel that drives you to do things that see you differently. When you were a kid, you may have been called a show off. I was because I liked girls. Pushing myself was also an evolution of going for bigger and better challenges. First it is physical, then mental, then financial. When all those fade away you tend to do things because you think I am going to die one day and this is just what has been done from the beginning. You’re creating your inevitability before the world. The only thing you must do from then on is make it known to the world. Everyone is known for something. What do you want to be known for? This is how you focus and narrow your focus so that it becomes a part of your success. That is what people will know you for, you just need to believe that you can set yourself apart from it, even if you don’t believe, if you believe it long enough it will become a part of you. It will become your reality. So first, find who you are, second, ask, how do I become better? Back yourself into a corner so that you have no choice but to fight your way out. The further you continue to go towards what you want the more you don’t want to look back. Many roads will get you from a to b. Just don’t take too many roads that you end up going backwards. To want something, as desire is defined: strong, feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. With a feeling that has to be created we must want something for it to be felt. Love, as we have all felt, or at least the desire for someone. Makes me think, what kept her from me? what kept him from her? The desire was there for both, then the only thing that was missing as them forgetting to communicate how they felt about each other. When you want something or someone you can either think that they would be happier with or without you. You still have to make the call that you are going to communicate to them, regardless of how they feel that it is going to be communicated that you like them. Yes you may regret not saying anything, but then missed opportunity creates in your mind that you have to take any opportunity that comes your way. Becomes confusing because then your wants become little opportunities seized. You have no direction at that point, you’re just taking wild shots, which, in your younger years can be fun, and a great learning experience. As you get older, wanting to define yourself and what you are about becomes harder, or at least something that feels more rushed. In life, always make a quality product, especially when establishing yourself. You deserve it for the amount of work you’re about to put into it. Bangov, Actual, out!

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Give Up Control

What binds us to the life we are living now? Are we happy? Is that even a prerequisite anymore. To go through life does not have any means of a pursuit. You don’t have to have a college degree, certificate of achievement. Hell you don’t even need a participation trophy to get through it. Big misconception is that you need others’ approval for your life choices. I hope those of you over 30 would know this but in this day and age you just never know what people need to hear anymore. Don’t need your parents approval, your friends, you’re kidding if you think they know more than you. Release yourself from others expectations and create your own. I have some time on this earth and it has always made me wonder if right now, at this very moment am I in the right mind set. Do I have the right mentality to move forward? Unfortunately I have only a few moments where everything has been in sync. I guess I had it once, and now it is a distant memory. I will spend the rest of my life trying to get it back and make it as consistent as possible. The consistency we feel keeps us in motion towards our happiness. Ok maybe not happiness always. Even happiness can be faked. Progress cannot though. Happiness is what is shared between people. We’re social creatures. If you disagree, then I would like to know what your happiness is. Continue to build who you are, piece by piece, laugh by laugh, cry by cry. Those around you are not who you need to please. They are those who are looking for their own journey. Nobody really has time to control others. Usually those who try have no control over their own lives. So what does it really mean to be in control? Since by definition, control is to influence, or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. Of course it has a few others, just look ’em up, I’m not going to do everything, BUT let’s just focus on this one. Although I am the one writing these blogs in order to inspire people to take risks, and make something of their lives. Maybe I’m controlling. Eh fuck it, get out there and make something of yourselves. That’s me when I’m controlling. I push others to be something they are afraid of. So don’t fuck with me, or I’ll push you to do all the things your afraid of. You know, like aspire to be someone you dream of being, follow your passions, or even tell the world to go fu k themselves while you work on yourself and focus on your happiness. Don’t focus on control. Experiment, enjoy the embarrassment. Bangov Actual, out!

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What Men Really Want In Bed

Gentlemen, what gets you all riled up in bed? Seriously. Do we even know, why don’t we know these things. You know your favorite music but not what your lady can do to really turn you on. This is interesting to me because I have been an advocate for men and women to be comfortable exploring sexual acts in order to spice up the bedroom, or even being single you engage in actions that may just be of curiosity to you or someone else. Let me be clear in saying I am not against exploratory sex with someone you are not currently involved with romantically. Casual sex, sex between 3, DO.NOT.CARE. Do what makes your pickle tickle or flower power! I am a strong advocate for being professional, and would like to just mention those who do pay a lot of money for these fantasies to become a reality. We can all stop hiding from those who may not agree with you. If for religious reasons, societal norms, then it is simple that we just do not share these sides of ourselves with them. Some people may think if they won’t accept all sides of me then they don’t deserve me. I won’t be the one to say you are wrong, then again that is your choice who you let in your worlds and those should be people that encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Another side would say due to a societal norm these people who don’t agree may just be under the impression that you may get hurt and they are trying to protect you from that. So don’t always take oppositions as a negative or as a potentially controlling desire. They may just not want you to get hurt. Or hell maybe they are too afraid to say they feel the same way. So be open to talking about it if you’re open to sharing the thought with someone. Break down the psychology of it together with the why. You may just come to the same conclusion. This blog is not just what men may be thinking of about during sex, it may be women need to ask the question for men to feel comfortable answering. Ladies, just know that unless you have never asked, the man in your life has probably never been asked. Men usually talk about sex in bullet points. Went to dinner, drinks,back to my place, fucked. Then a high five with the guys. Ladies are way more expressive in how the night went. All starts with the ring of the door bell and they are telling friends, he came to the door to pick me up, brownie points, he opened the door, brownie points, got in the car, it was clean, smelled good, FUCKING BROWNIE POINTS. I won’t go through the entire date because you get the point. From the point of the act of having sex women are breaking down the five senses The better it was the more detail they will go into it. The worse it was they will be more like a guy and say ya, we fucked in his car, I did not cum. Then he drove me home. Very romantic, I know guys. Gentlemen just know this goes both ways. You have to be willing to initiate conversation as well, if you make an agreement, or have paid someone to have these specific fantasies come true then OK that transaction will be handled as business as usual, But, if you’re intimate with someone for a number of years, these questions just as what they aspire to be, hopes, dreams, aspirations. Why does it never include sexual fantasies?

What men want in bed is simple. The same thing women want. The chance to discuss options of sexual exploration without judgement. The conversation alone is liberating for the both of you, don’t care if you paid or not. Stop being afraid of asking these questions, literally the internet is filled with answers for you and another to explore til your heart’s content.

 

What? You guys think I would leave you without giving you a list? Come on, this is Bangov!

 

1-Play with his balls, (suck on them)

2-Finger in the ass, (it’s not for everyone)

3-Little spoon, (some are afraid it’s demeaning)

4-Be vocal on what feels good ladies/guys

5-Sex in a public place, you initiate it ladies

6-Ask to be on top of him

7-Make eye contact while he licks his lips and smiles.

8-Jump into another position without being asked.

9-When we are sucking on you ladies, say yes, no, left, down, right, up, what do you want?

10-Lights on

11-Don’t talk bad about your body

12-Find some clothes you may be OK ripping

13-Go shopping for lingerie together, big part of sex for men is visual, we like a lot of things leading up to the bedroom, like women do with foreplay to get you wet, we don’t get wet ladies we get hard.

14-Sucking on him may take a while, but in the end the commitment and the feeling after, he may return the favor immediately after. Like seriously you would think a refractory period was a myth when you suck him off.

15- Cum in your mouth, chest, stomach, the usual. (I’m not going to pretend to know the level of kink who reads this)

16- According to business insider 26.8 of males fantasized giving oral sex to a man

20.6 males fantasized about having sex with another man ( Who knew?)

source: https://www.businessinsider.com/normal-male-sexual-fantasies-2014-11?amp

17- Make a sex video (this I will say I would do again, will not post, don’t ask.)

18- 3 some, which I have researched, and what I have researched is men, if you’re willing to do it with a guy, she may be willing to do it with a woman.

19-Watching someone fuck your wife, Relax! Talk about it.

20, 4 some, can’t forget about my swingers, that is literally what an open marriage is for.

21- Sit and be naked together, explore each others bodies even before sex

22- Dance naked together

23-Slap his ass, and ladies, (yell yahoo!, yeehaa!, whoo!)

24-Laugh during, still talk and tell jokes.

25- Shower together before/after.

26- Watch porn together, watch something you’re both into, or take turns.

27- Experiment with different positions, see what you both like. Make a top 10.

28- Compliment each other on things you like, or find sexy, boobs, but, legs, arms, smile, hands,

29- Make a list of where you would like to have sex, schedule an airbnb, hotel stay.

30- Ladies what are you going to wear, outfits, star wars, cheer outfit, aeon flux, I mean hell if a woman walked up to me in a lady gaga outfit I’d probably say yes. I mean even Jabba the hutt I may give a try. Just as long as it is a costume. Hahahaha

 

31- Ladies, maybe we want to buy you something? Vibrators, dildos, clamps, whips, feathers, floggers, just to name a few.

32-Massage, my goodness gracious if you don’t know how, then YouTube, or Pornhub that shit and get your life together.

33- Tie you up?, ladies he may want full control to fuck you where he pleases and in all sorts of positions. Strongly advise doing this between those you trust or in a controlled and safe environment. Or at least a class to go over safety measures.

34- Bondassage? Look it up, light BDSM and sensual massage.

35- Make a playlist of sex music together. Different moods, create a few playlists and use one for maybe more romantic nights, quickies, maybe just home for lunch, more fun and have some time.

36- Cunnilingus,blow job, while sucking on different candies, fruits, after different drinks, light candles for different smells.

37-Sex toys, Just look up different things to kink up your bedroom.  Adameve.com, lovehoney.com  this one just makes me laugh, buy as many toys as you like and if you feel like you don’t use them as much, leaving a box at goodwill to me was one of the best reactions I have ever seen. Holy fuck I was dying laughing, or save some friends money and see if they want to give them a try. Just use some Clorox wipes ya bunch of nancy’s.

 

This list I hope this list helps some of you explore more of your sexual worlds within yourself and with your partner. I have heard way too many times men and woman experience sexual frustration and a feeling of being trapped in a reality where they cannot express themselves even privately with someone they are dating, married or just seeing for casual sex. After all sex is not just the act. It is a conversation I feel is only coming to the surface now after years of being taboo, and Bangov is here to set you free. Bangov Actual, out.

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